Glorious day to you. Come in. Take a seat. I hope you didn't trip over the flower-girls that I had the townsfolk throw into the streets for you. I know, it's strange, but I hear it's an old tradition in some places, so I figured I'd give it a go.
I've just been advised that I may have misunderstood the tradition somewhat.
I apologise for my long hiatus. I decided to banish myself from the kingdom as punishment for my shenanigans but I had trouble getting back in. I tried bribing the guards but they get paid too much - a small oversight - so they weren't interested. In the end I had to sneak back in disguised as a cardboard box with cats taped to it.
Look, it made sense at the time, and it worked, so I'm going to stand my methods.
None of this has anything at all to do with Shakespearean theatre of course, but if you are a member of the Royal Shakespearean Company of Longburnia (Longburnistan? Longburnianapolis?) I want you to take this as an official warning to bring those codpieces under control. Seriously, they're a disgrace. Cut it out.
A single monkey at a single keyboard,