Tuesday, 10 September 2013

You may have a virus or two.

Welcome again, my honored guest.
Take a seat and enjoy the roast soup-of-the-day. Today it is whole pig.

Some of you may know this already, but as a King, my responsibilities extend to IT support. In this role I have seen many computers, and I have indeed managed to notice a few trends.
The above is entirely true. I think I have seen this rule broken maybe twice, and that's over a period of almost six years now.
I don't mean to be rude about people's computers of course - that's what the Court Jester is for. Most people keep their computers in an entirely acceptable state. Some people are indeed very apologetic about their entirely spotless laptop.

Occasionally, however, I will encounter a computer that could only be described as...     ...unclean.

I have seen laptops covered in a thin but uniform coating of grease. I have seen several sporting more than a few pieces of chocolate. I've also seen what I like to tell myself are beard hairs, but really, were probably pubes.

I'd like to ask people one thing if I may: While you are more than welcome to keep your computer in whatever state you like, if you are going to require someone else to touch it, do please give it a bit of a wipe down first.

Washing his royal hands once again,
~King Longburns.


  1. And Law #1 is "80% of the time, the problem is user error."

    1. PEBKAC: Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair

    2. I like "Error 40" - As in the bug is 40cm from the monitor.

  2. 80%? You're being generous.

  3. Heh, I was once sent out to repo a computer or get payment. When I got there are a plush solicitors office I suggested they keep it and we get cash. Having been in there for only 2 months the keyboard was so matted with dog hairs, filled with biscuit crumbs, stains of various descriptions that I didn't want to touch it.

  4. Oh man... you think they smell bad on the outside?