Tuesday, 27 August 2013

The greatest story ever told by children.

Good day to you one and all. I hope you are all well.
I'm well enough, but I put my neck out from the sheer effort of finishing today's comic. I am currently pulling pathetic little pained faces while I write this.

So I had a small freak out last week when my comic actually received a measurable amount of attention. Net visitors to my site here actually doubled overnight, which was really cool. I had expected to be pottering around in complete obscurity for a the foreseeable future, so it was nice to see what a little spike it popularity might be like.

I am also happy to announce that since this website may actually receive visitors sometimes, I have moved the long overdue website redesign plans up to sometime-in-the-near-future instead of whenever-I-can-be-bothered-getting-around-to-it. This means that at some point nearly soon this may actually become easy to navigate and visually appealing.
Not today, obviously, but soon.
Soonish anyway.
Sooner rather than later.

I want to say thanks to all the people who gave me kind words of encouragement for my comic last week. Everyone was actually really nice. Especially on the Kerbal Space Program sub-reddit, where some people seemed very insistent that I do more Kerbal based comics for ever and ever, until the heat death of the universe.
Now, I don't know about more Kerbal comics endlessly for all time, but I certainly think it's worth doing a few more, so I shall indeed be doing that. If people keep liking them, then I guess I'll keep making them.

Don't worry, I'm not nearly focused enough for the eclectic theme of my comics to change entirely. I will still mostly be making comics based on nothing but my own internal dialogue.
It's ok. You can relax.

Case in point: A Christmas comic in August?! What is this? Man, no-one saw that one coming did they? Ha ha! I'm just so wacky!

Not nearly as wacky as he claims,
~King Longburns.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Kerbal Space Rescue Program

Greeting from Moon Castle Alpha.
Our scientific studies of the rocks here are progressing nicely, and I have adopted one of the rocks as a pet. I have named him Mumphrey.
Please send more blankets as it is cold on the moon. Also, Mumphrey has eaten all of the peanuts, so please send more of those.

If you don't know already, today's comic is about Kerbal Space Program, a delightful game where you hurl tiny astronauts into space using huge rockets and then lose them. Well that's been my experience anyway. It's basically a NASA simulator that lets you assemble rockets in a big hangar and then hope that you understand rocket science enough for them to get into space. If you're ok at the game you can get stuff into orbit, and maybe to the "Mun". If you're actually good at the game you can get little guys all the way to other planets.

I am only "ok" at this game. I did manage to get little people to the moon. Then I managed to rescue them from the moon with a different rocket. Bob Kerbin did indeed spend four whole in-game years free floating in orbit, and then I did indeed almost wipe him out with the rescue vehicle, like some runaway space bus.
I did get him down in the end though, so don't worry.
Although, I think he actually preferred it up there

I have tried to get better at the game, but every time I try to get through one of the advanced tutorial pages on the wiki I get to the equations and I realise that I am not actually a physicist and go back to my "more rockets, more struts" strategy. There has been a lot of trial and error in my rocket designs, and more importantly in my general flying technique. I tend to launch a rocket or attempt a mission, watch it fail horribly, and then go and figure out how I was supposed to have done it.

For example; the only reason why Bob got lost in space was because I didn't know what button turned his jet-pack on, so he just drifted away.
Also I didn't know how to load a quicksave, so when I screwed up the moon landings I had to start over from launch.
That was a bit lame.

Many kerbals died.

Drawing up plans to get Bob back into orbit,
~King Longburns.

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Hillbilly Batman saves the day.

Greetings all. It is I, King Longburns, bringing you yet another Batman related comic.
What is this, the fourth time I've posted a Batman comic on here?
I don't even read Batman.

Did you hear that they're making a Batman and Superman movie? I imagine that it will be cool in a special effects and explosions sense. I'm just not sure that it will be a good movie. Basically, I'm expecting it to be a bit stupid. It seems like a cash-in, and let's face it, the match up is a bit imbalanced. I'm not sure what Batman is supposed to do when Superman is flying around punching stuff. I'm also not really sure what Superman does when Batman is doing his thing.
Stand around looking awkward I guess.

Then again, I'm saying this before any information is known about what the film might end up being. For all I know it could be a great film when it's finished, so I should reserve judgement for now. In the interests of diplomacy, of course.

Since I know nothing about the story that this movie will end up having, I shall instead outline some storylines that they could use. I will happily sell these ideas to the producers of said movie if they are interested.

1) Batman is out driving his Bat-Plane when he comes across Superman. They trade carrot cake recipes until they hear on the radio that Lex Luthor has escaped and taken hostages. Also there is a bomb. Superman and Batman then take turns punching Lex Luthor for the rest of the movie.

2) Superman challenges Batman to a race. Superman will run and Batman can use his Batmobile. If Batman loses, Superman will use the kids' club house as his new fortress of solitude/corporate headquarters. Superman wins, but it turns out that the club house was owned by the kindly old Mr. Brick the whole time, who gifts it to the kids.

3) Batman sees Superman and instantly takes a dislike to him. Batman challenges Superman to a boxing contest. When Superman turns up for the contest, Batman isn't there and is instead on TV, calling Superman a sissy.

4) Superman and Batman in an epic drinking contest...  ...to the death.

5) Superman and Batman slash fic.

Anyway, that's all I have for now. Why not try to think up some more yourself? It's a fun game that the whole family can enjoy.

Being the night, or at least the late afternoon,
~King Longburns.

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Hercule Poirot and the Moustache of Face.

Ah, hello there. Welcome to the Longburns Health Spa and Sanitarium. Do you have a reservation?
Ah yes, under "Shatner". No, no, I assure you that never gets old.
Feel free to enjoy the facilities. They have been carefully selected to be a relaxing distraction from the stresses of everyday life.

It's odd though... Relaxing as it may be, I often have the strangest feeling that it would also be the perfect place....  FOR MURDER!!!

Sorry. Sorry, everyone. Sorry. I didn't mean to alarm everyone.
IT'S FINE, EVERYBODY! Please go back to your rooms.
There's no murder. It's fine. Everything's fine. No, please Colonel, put that away. It's fine. I was joking. It was just for dramatic effect. Yes, Mrs. Winterbottom, I know you have a heart condition. I'm very sorry.

Now where was I?
Ah, that's right. I was talking about MURDER!! (Sorry, sorry)


I personally am not a huge fan of crime dramas. I'm not against them, they're just not my thing. My mother on the other hand likes them very much, and will watch any show as long as it is technically a crime show, good or bad. As a consequence I have seen a few myself.

British crime shows can be dark. Like unshaven, alcoholic detective sleeping on his couch investigating child murder rackets dark. Don't ask me what a child murder racket would be. People manage to make businesses out of all sorts of things. In my experience, these shows are equal parts grim detectives being grim, and people crying mucus into their tea.
They will end with the murderer also crying mucus into their tea.

American crime dramas on the other hand have a tendency to be much lighter. Detectives in these shows wear sunglasses and are followed around by The Who. The family members of the victims look like they just lost a hamster. The characters will have attractive, white teeth and will stride about spitting catch-phrases. People take psychics seriously.

Ok, I'm going to get sidetracked here, but what the hell is with Medium? It somehow feels as though that show has done me a personal insult. And is it just me or does the main character come across as being kind of an entitled arsehole? I saw her threaten to kick her husband out of bed because she was hallucinating that everyone - including her husband - were one specific guy. She told him off like he was doing something wrong. She once built a bomb in her house while sleepwalking, and then got defensive about it.
Don't make bombs in your house. That's dangerous.

I like to pretend that she has no psychic abilities at all and is just delusional. It's much more fun this way. The show also makes a lot more sense. Give it a try.

Wait, is that show even still on...?

...no. Hmm.

That's ok. Don't bother. It was a bit shitty.
I think that's a general summary of what I'm saying here.

Alison Dubois! That's her name.
Yeah, that's a couple that should try separate bedrooms.

I think I've rambled enough. The Royal Treasury can only afford so much.
~King Longburns.

P.S. Hi, Mum! I'm waving. Can you see? Hi!